Commonly Asked Questions: Who originally said if you love something let it go? The statement “if you love something let it go” may seem to be a relatively old saying, and there are many variations of the quote. This quote is said to link back to Jess Lair. Jess Lair is the author of the book titled “I Ain’t Much Baby - But I’m All I’ve Got,” which is where this quote likely first appeared. How do you know when it’s time to let go of someone you love? It can be tough to let go of a person you love. Maybe, you felt like you’d be together forever, or maybe, your feelings for them are so deep that you feel as though you won’t be able to move on from the person. However, it’s possible. You may know that you need to let go of a person you love when you have differences so major that compromise isn’t possible or desired. For example, one person might have goals that don’t align with the other. It could also be that the person wasn’t a good fit for you; maybe, the relationship was even a toxic one that caused emotional pain. All of these are examples of times when you may love a person but know that you can’t maintain a relationship. Does true love return after breakup? It is possible for couples to rekindle post-breakup, and the reason could very well be that the couple feels as though what they have is true love. If you feel that someone is your true love and want to try again after a breakup, talking about what led to the end of the partnership before, and talking about how to mitigate similar concerns in the future, can help. You can talk about this together on your own, or you might find that talking about it with a professional is ideal. It’s actually relatively common for previous relationships to re-emerge or develop again. That said, the truth is that we can’t necessarily predict the future, especially when another person is involved. If signs don’t point to you and your true love getting back together or having a relationship in the future, it can be helpful to focus on moving forward from the relationship. It’s not to say that something absolutely won’t happen in the future with this person, but the truth is that you can only act based on the information you currently have. If you want to move forward from true love and wonder, “How do I stop loving this person?” understand that this is possible and that you can move forward from the person and relationship. Even if you felt like you were destined to be together forever and can’t imagine a life where you feel fully free from this love. There may be another true love for you out there, and perhaps even a better-suited relationship out there. Be patient with yourself, be patient with the process of healing from the relationship, and don’t hesitate to seek out support from friends, a professional, or someone else. How do you leave someone you love but can’t be with? While it may seem like an interesting description, it’s very possible to love someone and understand that you can’t be with them. This alone is something to give yourself credit for; even if you have mutual love, ending the relationship could be in your best interest, or you might both want totally different, potentially incompatible things in life. For example, even if true love or mutual love is present, you might want other things in the sense that they want kids but you don’t. Romantic love isn’t always enough for compatibility in relationships. Once you grasp that despite romantic love, you can’t be with someone - regardless of the reason - and break it off, allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that arise. Spend time thinking about what you want in the future in your relationships, as well as other parts of life, and work toward a place where you can accept the end of this partnership. If you need support during the process, getting informed professional advice and care from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial. While it may be tough to talk about, talking about what you’re going through can be advantageous and may help you gain clarity. It’s okay to feel down even if you know you’re doing the right thing. Many people also find it helpful to spend time with friends and other loved ones during this time. Spending time with friends or another loved one can be a health-promoting activity, as social support via good friends and other means (IE, support groups) may promote both mental health and physical health. It may also help to focus on other things or other parts of life. For example, self development, self love, career development, and hobbies. There can be freedom that comes with the process of healing from a relationship or relationships. This can actually go for a relationship or relationships of any kind - not just romantic relationships or relationships with a romantic partner. After all, the end of the relationship is a major change in life, no matter what the specific details of your bond with this person were. Sometimes, the end of a relationship gives you freedom in the context that you have more time. It might also mean that you have the freedom to make choices that you may not have made when you were with your former partner. For example, you might find that you feel free to move to a different location. Before, the needs of the other person may have influenced your choices, but now, you’re free to make changes to your life that you, as a unique person and individual, want. Even if you don’t feel free right now, and even if you can’t find a silver lining quite yet, that doesn’t necessarily mean that these feelings will last forever. You might decide, too, to take a rest or break from entering other relationships while you heal. This doesn’t have to last forever, but it may be beneficial for some to take some time before they work to develop a new bond. How do you accept a relationship is over? The five stages of grief include but aren’t limited to stages of denial and bargaining. During the bargaining stage, you might think about what you could (or could have) done to salvage a relationship, and during the denial stage, you might be in denial that it’s over. Sometimes, it takes longer than others to fully accept or grasp that a relationship is over. Working on acceptance can help, as can time away from the other person. You may enter a “self seeking” or “self-searching” time while you discover who you are outside of the relationship. It’s common to face mental health challenges during this time. Common mental health challenges could include feelings of sadness, confusion, or even anger. You may be easily angered, for example, thinking about the end of the relationship, or you might feel as though you lack proper motivation for life tasks due to feeling down. You may also fear that you won’t find true love or another person who makes you feel this way in a future relationship. This makes sense. It’s important to validate your feelings and, at the same time, remember that feelings aren’t necessarily facts. You may feel fear about whether or not you’ll find true love or a person who you can be in a healthy, long-term relationship with, but it doesn’t mean you won’t. During this time, avoid taking blame that’s undue, and remember that you can’t force relationships to work single-handedly. The reality is that relationships take dedication from everyone involved - even if you felt strongly that it would last forever. Getting informed professional advice from a qualified mental health professional can help if this is something that you are grappling with. It’s not always easy to accept that a relationship is over, and a qualified mental health professional can support you through the process, help you find clarity, and get to a better place. They can help you cope or develop skills that help you cope and get to a place where you feel free - not just free from the relationship, but also free from some of the distress you currently feel or experience. In time, it is possible to be free from challenges that relate to accepting that a relationship has come to an end. In therapy, you’re free to talk about any concerns that are on your mind, and it’s an excellent way of putting yourself and your well-being first. Check out a less previous article to learn more, or join BetterHelp to start getting the help you need. Learn to love yourself, and the rest will follow.